1. Let go and go with the flow. We hear this often but it is more important now than ever. There is such a tendency to grip on tightly to things, relationships, jobs, experiences, etc.  Let go of your death grip on everything so that the flow can happen. Allow for the change, allow for what is happening to take place. The more you try to control, the less control you are in. When we try to control we cause much more stress than necessary and actually prevent the gifts of the situation from coming in. So let go and let it all flow. And don’t forget to breathe!

2. Have more fun. Do a few more things you enjoy this summer. This is a time of year for fun and recreation so engage in it more than you have in the past. Give yourself permission to do this. It will keep you in a more positive space. Laugh, play, be silly, relax.

3. Trust. Oh yeah, that one again. Trust that what is happening is ultimately for your highest good. That is the truth and the sooner you accept that truth, the better you will feel. If the relationship is ending, for example, let it go and trust that it is for the best. It may be painful but knowing this truth will make the healing process easier. Whatever may be occurring in your life or in the world, there is a greater reason for it even if it’s not clear right away. So, trust, trust, trust.

As the summer unfolds, remember to let go and flow, have more fun and trust. This will help you manage what occurs with more elegance and ease. More importantly, it will allow you to embrace the great things that will come out of this time!

What:

The answer is self-care.  Self-love = self-care. Self-care = self-love.

How:

Take care of yourself.  That seems so simple, yes?  Then why don’t you do it? Self-care can be as basic as eating a little better. Make a small change in your diet. Maybe eat a nutritious breakfast every morning or eat one additional fruit or vegetable each day. Take 10 minutes for yourself daily. Pause throughout your day and breathe deeply. Call a friend once in a while and connect. Have a little more fun. Truly, it can be this simple. Sounds like an easy place to start, doesn’t it?

Once you start small, you can incorporate more self care into your lifestyle. Begin an exercise program. Learn the value of setting personal boundaries. Become comfortable saying “no”. Let go of the need to be a martyr. Learn what matters to you. Let go of toxic relationships of all kinds. If a relationship is taxing, draining or anxiety producing most of the time, reconsider the true value of the relationship in your life. Chances are you will see the need to release that person from your life.

Why:

Some of this seems obvious.  You will feel better, be happier, healthier and more relaxed.  You will have more time for family, friends and things you enjoy.

Here’s a reason you may not have considered: The more you love yourself (aka, self-care) the more you will attract love into your life. More loving people, experiences and situations will come to you. Like attracts like. Get it?  If you aren’t loving yourself, it’s likely you are attracting situations and people who are challenging, stressful and possibly even harmful. As you begin to care for yourself, you are opening the channels for more positive things to come into your life.  And they will!

Who:

Who has time for this? YOU do!  Everyone does. If you honestly don’t feel you have time to eat one additional vegetable a day or to pause for 10 seconds throughout your day to breathe deeply, then you may want to examine why you feel the need to be a martyr. That doesn’t serve you or anyone around you. So get started! You will love what happens next!

There are three P’s that each person need to have in common for a relationship to be on compatible, solid ground. Principles, Priorities, Preferences.

Principles

Each person needs to have a similar set of principles. What are your personal values? Are values such as honesty, integrity, responsibility, loyalty important to you? How do you feel about lying, upholding the laws, being a kind and considerate member of your community? Or is it all about you and your own needs? What is your relationship to money? How do you handle your money? There is no right or wrong answer.

Be aware of your values and the values of your partner. If your basic values are not in synch, the way you live your lives will be drastically different and cause struggle in the relationship. Say that you value honesty and your partner tends to be dishonest. There will be no foundation of trust here and you will be on edge and anxious all of the time

Priorities

Priorities determine where you focus your time, energy and emotions. What is important to you and to your partner? Is a committed relationship a priority to you? What about tending to your children’s needs? Perhaps your work is a top priority, more than a relationship. Get clear on your priorities and see if they are similar to your partner’s. If, for example, your relationship is more of a priority for you than for your partner, there will be challenges. Maybe both of you feel work is top priority and the relationship is secondary. In this case, things are more aligned.

If priorities are not similar, there will be unrealistic expectations of behavior and outcomes.  Here’s an example: Say your relationship is your number one priority.  It’s where you choose to focus a great deal of your time and energy.  Your partner’s first priority is work, second is children from a previous relationship and the relationship with you is number three.  Your partner won’t make as much time for you and your relationship as you would like or expect as it is lower on the list of priorities. This will likely cause frustration, disappointment and insecurity.

Preferences

Our preferences are what we want, our desires. What do you want? Is a commitment important to you? Or do you prefer dating around, seeing multiple people? Do you want to live with someone before you marry? Or are you opposed to this? Do you even want marriage? What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you enjoy participating in sports or watching them on television? Travel? Volunteering? Staying home and watching television. Where does sex fit into your preferences?

Having individual interests are very important. Yet it is necessary to have some similar preferences to stay connected to each other. Perhaps you both have different interests but yet are open to exploring new things. Spending time together is crucial to the health of a relationship.

Once again, there are no right or wrong answers. Principles usually don’t change yet priorities and preferences may change throughout one’s life and relationships. Be aware of your three P’s and be honest with each other about them. This way, each person can make decisions that are right for them in regards to the relationship. There will be less stress, pain and confusion if everyone is forthright.

How in synch are the three P’s in your relationship? Having these elements in common creates a strong foundation for a healthy, loving relationship. If you have a great deal of struggle in your relationship, chances are things are not very aligned. Allow yourself to have a relationship that is loving, sustainable and genuine. The three P’s are a good place to start!

As you know, there was so much passion behind this piece of legislation. The President, Congress and citizens have very strong opinions about it. Each party was looking out for their own interests, digging in their heels and not attempting to reach consensus. There was no unity, no coming together for the greater good. There was only polarity… Only “us and them”, “what I want” and “what is best for me”.  Both parties were guilty of this and boy were the egos running the show. Again, this isn’t about the bill at all. It’s about the methods in which this took place.

Our government is a reflection of us. If they are polarized, so are we. There have been extreme reactions to this bill from all sides during and after its passage. Things have even become violent. This is a mirror to how polarized we have become as a society and as humankind. It’s all about us/them and me/you.

Why is this a problem? Because it creates separation. It is divisive. It is egocentric and life and living cannot be sustained this way any longer. It is the root of violence, intolerance, social and even personal discord. There is no “us” or “them”, only “us”. We are “them”. They are “us”.

There is huge chaos and challenges in our lives and our communities currently that we have never experienced before. People are having major crises and stress is at an all time high. Unity is the means in which things will change, not polarity.

The good news is that you can make a difference. You have impact. You can be a catalyst for change. How? By releasing the mind set of polarity in your own life and embracing unity/community. Nothing changes until you do.

The first step is to recognize where you may have tunnel vision. We all do at times. But it’s a problem if this is your general way of looking at things. Do you only see one side of situations? Or do you make an effort to look at all sides and gain understanding of the various aspects?  I’m not suggesting that you don’t have an opinion. Yet digging your heels in and not being open to hearing or seeing other aspects of a situation is polarity. It limits your compassion and understanding of what is really going on. Compassion and understanding aspects of unity.

How do you live your life? Is it all about you? Perhaps you have the mindset that it’s all about what you need and how you’ll get it, who owes you, what others are doing for you and who is out to get you. Consider what you are doing for others. How are your actions impacting those around you? Our actions have impact. Being mindful of your own behavior and choices are an aspect of unity.

How do you treat people? Are you usually focused only on your own needs? Or are you kind and generous? Maybe you don’t do anything unless there is something in it for you. Do you do things for others or do you expect all others to do for you? Do you lend a hand to your neighbor or to a stranger in need? Lend your hand. Smile at strangers. Be kind even when others are not. This creates community.  Community is an aspect of unity.

So you see, unity isn’t that difficult. Have an open mind. Be compassionate and understanding. Create an awareness of the impact of your actions. Treat people with respect and kindness. Create community. Stop making it all about you and see the bigger picture.  Get out of polarity. Our government is a reflection of us. If we did this in our own lives, our policy makers would reflect this and do it themselves. We would be more unified. We all benefit this way. There are no losers when we have unity. Everyone loses when we are polarized.

Julie Farha is an intuitive, coach, speaker and author. www.JulieFarha.com

Do you feel like you’re going at mock 5 with your hair on fire? Are you feeling heavily burdened by changes and challenges?  Perhaps things are going well and you’re just very busy. Have you been pushing hard to make things happen, keep up with it all and manage the stress? Is it working?  Probably not!

We are programmed to work hard, push though and struggle. We may as well be pushing against a brick wall that is 3 feet think because that’s how much progress you’re making. Sure, you may have some movement going on but you’re exhausted, right?  So so tired from all the pushing.

Let go.  Just let go. Yeah, you’ve heard that before and may even be rolling your eyes.  “I can’t let go! If I let go it will all fall apart!” I beg to differ. If you let go, it will all work out. Pushing as you are will only lead to failure, not to mention the toll on your health with all the stress you’re under. Are you even living or are you just pushing all the time?

Let go so you can have clarity and know what to do next. Who knows, you may even come up with a new idea or solution entirely that is better for you! Let go so the changes you want can happen. Right now you are completely blocked so nothing is moving except your mind and body.  Let go so you can have a little more peace. Ahhhhhh.

How do I let go?  Good question.  If you are thinking about letting go, you aren’t letting go. So you take a little personal time here and there. Do something you enjoy for 10 minutes a day.  More would be better but let’s take baby steps.  Sit outside in nature.  Play your piano.  Play with your pet or your child. Do something that makes you laugh.  Enjoy yourself a little more.  Sit and breath. Get away from it “all” for a few minutes.

Sounds indulgent, doesn’t it?  Taking time for yourself with all you have going on and all who is depending on you? How absurd!  But oh, so necessary.  You’re a pressure cooker ready to blow.

When you let go just a little, this is what will happen: You will remove yourself from the chaos and stress even just momentarily.  Your energy will shift from stress and anxiety to calm and more peaceful. You may even find yourself smiling! In this state, the clarity comes.  Out of this, you may realize that some things just aren’t that important so you eliminate them from your life.  Maybe an idea to a problem pops in your head.  You could be inspired to move in a new direction altogether.

If you let go and allow these moments in your day, you will know what you need to do and it will be a more elegant journey.  That is the point. If you do this, you will KNOW what to do, when and how.

So ease up a bit.  Give yourself permission to live a little more. Things may look a certain way but you cannot move from where you are if all you are doing is pushing.  The more you try to control, the less control you have. So let go a little.  Take off the death grip you have on the stuff of life so life can happen. You will enjoy it so much more!

Julie Farha is a gifted intuitive, human potential expert, speaker and author of “Exploring Your Potential; Who am I and what am I doing here”. She holds private sessions and Insight Galleries and is available for speaking engagements. www.JulieFarha.com

When something happens that causes us hurt, pain or confusion, we often go immediately to blaming the other person, feeling like a victim or feeling wronged in some way. Instead, be understanding.

To understand is to seek the “why” in a situation. Every action is motivated by an emotion such as fear, love, insecurity, passion, pain, etc. One’s behavior is usually a result of how they are feeling inside at that moment. It’s not necessarily about you. If you can understand the emotion behind a seemingly hurtful behavior, you will see that most of the time the behavior isn’t personal. You will also have more compassion for your partner as you will have a better knowing of their fears and insecurities.

We all have fears and sometimes we act out of these fears. Have you ever been at the supermarket and stood behind a very difficult, rude person at the checkout counter? Instead of judging him for his behavior or blaming him for making you late, pause and consider what may be going in his life. Maybe he just heard some bad news. Perhaps he is under a great deal of stress and is cracking under the pressure. He could be ill. Being in physical pain daily can be very challenging for one to always be upbeat.

Identify the possible reasons behind the behavior, not to condone or excuse but to understand and to therefore have compassion. Having compassion will open your heart to another. On the other side of this, knowing your partner is being understanding instead of blaming and judging is a great gift. It diffuses the tension and creates the opportunity to release your fears. You become more understanding in the process.

Being understanding can be a process at times and it may not come right away. But if you want it to, if you open your heart and get out of the blame game, it will come. Once you get there, it will greatly minimize the conflicts, hurt and confusion in all of your relationships. Your heart will open and your compassion will expand. And it will show you that things aren’t usually personal.

2010 will be a year of new beginnings like never before.  Opportunities to create exactly what you want will be everywhere. Here are some things to consider when making your resolutions for this new year and decade:

1.  Find the gifts from 2009

Sure, it was an ick year for many in different ways but the year also contained many gifts so take time to ponder them.  Did a relationship or job end? What new experiences/opportunities followed? What have you learn about yourself? What positive things came out of seemingly negative experiences?  The gifts are there so find them.  This will allow you to let go of the negative from 2009 and begin 2010 in a good place.

2.  Connect with more of who you are

Huh? What in the world does that mean? It means get to know you.  Discover your gifts, use them regularly and begin to live your purpose.  Identify your truths and your beliefs. This will impact the choices you make and the outcome of those choices.  Begin to know the true worth and value you possess, not looking to others to give it to you. You will have more rewarding, healthy and sustainable relationships this way. Forgive others by looking for the understanding in situations. This will deepen your compassion towards others and yourself. Spend a little time with yourself this year.

3.  Learn what matters to you

Big changes are happening in our lives resulting in a shift in priorities and perspectives. What matters to you, really? Think about what you want and then think about why you want it. This will make all your experiences more rich, fulfilling and meaningful.

4.  Take baby steps

When making changes this year, make the process elegant.  You don’t need to make drastic changes all at once, as an all or nothing scenario.  You can if you want but if you aren’t comfortable with that pace, ease up on yourself. Take baby steps and gradually incorporate the changes.

5. Create moments of peace

Life is chaotic these days. We’re running around doing 100 things at once, managing unexpected life changes, not knowing what to do next, how to move forward or what the future holds.  Take time daily or weekly to do something that you love, such as running, art, playing an instrument, cooking, etc.  Do this regularly and it will calm you, center you and allow clarity to come through.  You can’t get perspective on things with squirrels in your head so create these moments of peace and the clarity will come.

6.  Create community

We’re not in this alone so let go of the need to do everything all by yourself.  Connect with friends more often.  Reach out to family members, even estranges ones.  Get to know your neighbors.  Smile at strangers.  Exchange services and items when possible.  Lend a helping hand and ask for a hand when you need help. The time of “me, me me” is over so connect with each other in this new year and find comfort all around you.  Now there’s a good reason to exhale, yes?

7.  Consciously choose

Life is about choices.  Every action or inaction is a choice in the making. Take responsibility for your choices and your feelings.  If you don’t like the outcome of your choice, simply make another choice. Forgive yourself if necessary then let it go. Truth resides in the heart which is at the root of choice. Speak your truth and act your truth. This will also result in easy resolution to conflict and uncomfortable situations. Have integrity and settle for nothing less from others.

2010 can be a stellar year.  Stay open to all the possibilities.  Trust yourself, trust your higher power and trust the flow of life. Stay aware of your defeating thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. You can create an amazing life regardless of what is going on around you.  Trust that, believe that and watch the miracles occur!

Yet for many this is a struggle.  Fear of letting go, fear of the new, fear of the unknown. Fear of all kinds.  All endings bring new beginnings. New work, relationships, experiences and gifts.

How to make this ongoing process easier? Let life run its course.  Life has a divine rhythm. When we allow it to flow, everything is easier and outcomes are grand.

How do you let life run its course?  Have patience, let go of control, take appropriate action when necessary and trust.

Have patience.  Know that the pace of a change or event is perfect even if you think it’s too slow or if you don’t understand why.  Things, people, circumstances are being lined up and this takes time.

Let go of control.  Insisting that things have to be this way or that causes resistance and makes the process more difficult.  It prevents a myriad of wonderful possibilities from occurring because you are focused on the fact that it has to be a certain way. Detach from the outcome. Allow for the possibilities even if you don’t see what they are.  Stop looking, stop controlling, just be and let life run its course.

Take appropriate action when needed. Set boundaries if necessary.  Use discernment. Stay in forward motion so you don’t stay stuck in the old or the fear. Introspect, evaluate, pray, meditate. If you have patience, trust and let go of control, you’ll know what you need to do and when you need to do it.

Trust.  Trust yourself.  Trust the universe, God or what you call a higher power.  Trust the journey and the process of life.  Trust that everything is unfolding in the right and perfect order for all involved, with the perfect timing and for the ideal outcome.

Let life run its course.  Have patience, let go of control, take appropriate action and trust.  Let go of the old and allow for the new. Trust that whatever is ending is because it is time.  Open to the new beginnings that are coming your way.   Believe in yourself and believe in life. It’s going to happen anyway so make it easier and lose the struggle.  It doesn’t have to be so hard!!

What do you want today? What do you need? What do you want to happen?

Maybe you’re looking for a resource to help you with your business. You could be in need of a solution or clarity to a situation. Perhaps you’re wanting to hear from someone special or you want a surprise invitation. You can make it happen! Here’s how:

In the morning, before you begin your day, take a few moments to get quiet and breathe. Think of a few things you for which you are grateful and get in that warm fuzzy space.

Next, state what you want to happen that day. “By the end of the day, I will have clarity on this situation.” “By the end of the day, a I will have this problem resolved.” “Today, I’ll get a fun surprise”. “By the end of the week, such and such will happen, so and so will call, etc”. You get the idea.

Whatever you need, whatever you want…. Try this. It works! The key is to detach from any outcome. If you are attached to the outcome, you are focused on what you don’t have and not what you want.

So, what do you want, what do you need, what do you want to happen?

What’s with all the change? Why are so many having such a difficult time? How do we cope?

What’s with all the change?

It’s time for the new. New ways of doing things, new perspectives, new connections. Everything will now exist in a reality of integrity, community and compassion for ourselves and each other.

For example, if you lost your job, maybe that work or that workplace was no longer suited for you. Consider exploring new opportunities, doing what you really want to do and in an environment where you can thrive and be happy.

Consciously take charge of your life and your family. Choose integrity and responsibility. Reach out to others and choose community. This is the new way of doing things.

Why are so many going through so much?

Because there is resistance to change, resistance to the new. We fear change because we fear the unknown. Change it not always easy but it is always good.

This change is at a very deep level and is forcing us to go within, get honest with ourselves, take responsibility for our lives and to choose integrity, community and compassion. The more you fight this, the more uncomfortable you will be.

How do we cope?

Work at being open to the new. See all of this as opportunity to create a better life for that is the ultimate result. Let go and trust. If you find yourself stressed or stuck on a concern, let go of that particular issue for the time being and allow the resolution to come. It always will if you let go and pay attention.

Be in the moment. That’s when clarity and solutions come. In the moment there is no stress or worry. Sure, that’s a tall order but work on it. When you find yourself in your head, anxious or crazed, recognize it and bring yourself back to the present moment. Get fully engaged in what you are doing at in that moment to snap you back, even if it’s watching television.

This new way of being will truly be grand, yet not without a few growing pains. Embrace the new, go with the flow; be in the moment and trust. Connect with your Source and with each other. Get ready to experience great things!